5 June 2012

Weight: 174

On 4 June, I Woke up in a lot of pain : feet, knees, right wrist and middle finger and left thumb.
Ate some tylenol with a couple of grapes.

I had power supply meals for lunch and dinner... But had some leftover spaghetti squash with italian sausage after that.  The bad news is that I had 3 cookies and a sugary coffee drink to get me through morning briefings.

Went to bed at 8pm to try for a better tomorrow.

But... Pain was horrid on 5 jun as well.  Bad feet and my shoulders, some fingers and my right wrist were all very bad.  I am ending this day in the ER with yellow discharge from my eyes, a sore throat, and tinnitus, which also popped up last night.  I'm afraid I will need to take out my contact and not be able to drive home!  Just did that... Better dig up my glasses... I saw them the other day... Somewhere.

No workout today but dog walk with Clio and Adam to at least have some family time.  I ate power supply for breakfast, sushi (with the brown rice) for lunch, and pot roast for dinner.  I hope for better things tomorrow!

4 June 2012

Weight: 175.2

Meals and exercise for 3 June: am - out of the box choc chip cookie just to have something in my tummy to take my prenatals and tylenol

Pilates class: I need to work on my planks and teasers of all sorts

lunch: power supply pork w/cole slaw and last ootb cookie

snack: pb and honey on ootb bun and a few stolen bites of some future power supply meals.  Feeling very hungry and achy today :(

dinner: spaghetti squash w/italian sausage and tomatoe sauce - snacked on a few grapes here and there

Took Ruffy on a very painful walk around the block at night.

Today is the first day of my new job.  My pain level is very very high even though I did my 15 minutes of pre-bed yoga last night.  I am also really really bummed to be up almost 2 lbs since Saturday being as it seems to me like i have really been faithful with the diet and exercise and yep, nursing that growing baby like crazy.  Whatever.  I can give up in 27 days - not sure what the scale will do if i have to quit walking altogether though and I am really sad that I am up early enough to enjoy a morning walk with Ruffy - but can't walk.  I wish I could cut my feet off.  Maybe I will buy a wheel chair so at least Ruffy doesn't suffer with me.

3 June 2012

Weight: 174.4

Well, the scale is up today even though I know my calories in vs calories out equation should have yielded a weight loss.  I put my food into a calorie counter, roughtly, and it spit out 1200, so I'm going to say 1500 max... add an hour plus walk and 2 15 minute yoga sessions plus the baby and I should have at least a 1000 calorie deficit.  Oh well.  That is not how I'm handling this month, but it's an interesting and frustrating observation.  I do have to admit that I had a couple of small cheats from paleo and i do consider them quite small.  Yesterday I started the morning with an "out of the box bakery" chocolate chip cookie and coffee.  some sugar in the chocolate, but mostly paleo-type ingredients.  For lunch I had one of my power supply meals (chicken, cucumbers and tomaotes) - did not really like it, but oh well.  For dinner, I had a small bowl of the leftover potroast and I did eat a few more of the potatoes than I did the day before... and i had an out of the box cupcake for dessert and gave the last one to a friend so they wouldn't get "fridgy".  At that point, I was about where I was diet-wise the day before - if you substitute the apple for the cookie - but then we went to Mad Fox brewery.  I sampled each of the 8 craft brews - and I do mean "sample"... I just took a couple sips to share the tasting experience with Adam.  I also had 2 pieces (leaving what was left of the crust, but it was a very thin crust pizza) of this fig, bleu cheese, balsalmic glaze, bacon pizza.  I'm proud of myself for not eating a lot of the pizza - I know I wasn't going to cheat - but come on... that's a pretty impressive pizza and even though my experiment is paleo diet, I figured a cheat might be sort of kind of allowed when you're that far under your estimated calorie expenditure?  Oh well... the scale didn't like it.  A cheat's a cheat!  Better luck tomorrow - first day of the new job.  I got a really great almost new suit at the thrift shop yesterday that will fit great in 5-10 lbs, depending on how much of that weight is belly fat.  I'll take it to the tailor shop to be hemmed when and if the number at the top of this page is under 170!

2 June 2012

This morning I weighed 173.6.  That's a little better.  Today, Clio is 3 months old!  So, I guess it's taken me 3 months to lose 5 lbs... that's a long hard road.  I don't mean to sound like weight is all I think about... I think about Clio and Ruffy and all the wonderful things in life... but with all the prejudice and talk in society against "obesity", being fat and not feeling like myself and not being seen by the people around me the way I would like to be seen, is a very large and looming concern and also why I'm doing this 30 day blog, just to get a handle on this issue.

Yesterday, I ate pot roast for a late breakfast, an apple when I realized I was starving around 3 at the car dealership, one of my power supply meals for dinner and then had an "out of the box bakery" cupcake as a treat after crossfit.  As far as I can tell, I did a very good job staying "paleo" and it looks like that at least counted for something in the numbers on the scale.

Pain-wise, I made sure to do yoga last night right before bed and although I am stiffer than I was yesterday in the feet, probably because of the jumprope workout yesterday, it is soooo much better than when i wasn't stretching.  Just got done stretching this morning to work out the kinks and noticed some fluid buildup in my ankles.   I'm fighting a sore throat and felt a little yuck yesterday and today, so I think I'm fluidy in general.

Lots to do this weekend - wash the dog, steam and pick out all my new job outfits, return the shoes I bought that turned out to be too small :(, clean the house, maybe write some birth announcements (although I probably won't get to that since it's such old news by now)... should do crossfit and some yoga or pilates... even though I haven't lost much weight, at least I'm getting my old strength back and that makes me feel a little better.  Anyway - maybe I can lose another lb or two before my  new job starts and fit into those pants a little better.  I will seriously cry if the scale goes up again.

The next 30 days

Well, it's been awhile since my last post.  For those of you who've read my long windy posts before, the next 30 days won't be interesting, but I plan to write something everyday to document my fitness and weight loss efforts and track some challenges I've been having with joint pain.  Besides having an adorable baby, this post partum thing has been unneccessarily rough for me, health-wise, i think.

So - June 1, 2012 - 177.4/Plantar fasciatis pain minimal/bunion pain intense/other joints - low medium pain

I weighed in at 177.4.  This is frustrating because I had finally gotten down past 175 and even to 173 last week doing crossfit and eating "paleo".  I had been cheating the past couple of days with some wine and making some strong lemonades, eating some cheese, and yesterday I had some yummy pizza and gave in and ate the rice, beans and tortillas with my fajitas.  I haven't been working out since Monday because of the pains I've been having and just feeling kind of depressed at my lack of progress.  I was very excited to see 173 on the scale, but the next day I had eaten very well and just did a hard workout and had gone up to 175.6, which put me on my 3 day bender, which put me back here, about where I started.  The good news is that I was able to walk this morning.  I did 15 minutes of yoga... lots of downward dog, hero pose, failed attempts at some Bikram poses because the bunion makes "utkatasana" almost impossible... and my feet feel a lot better.

Here's hoping to a lighter and more pain free day tomorrow!  I'll let you know.

Post-game wrap-up - and the truth in numbers



I really have been trying Ruffian's patience lately with how long it takes to get the baby taken care of and getting everything ready for our walks these days!

This was Clio's first ride in the Snugli... I think she was 3 or 4 days old and I managed to hobble for about 20 minutes on the path behind the house.

Well... Fat Mary is back fatter than ever - but I can't say that I'm too awfully upset about it.  Anybody who followed me on Facebook knows that I got pretty pissed off throughout my pregnancy by the midwives telling me I was gaining too much weight and referring me to a nutritionist as if I was some sort of uneducated slob or something... but in the end, my baby turned out very healthy, I have plenty of booby milk for her, and besides being heavy, I'm in fairly decent shape.  Clio is 3 weeks old today and I have gone on 2 runs with Ruffy and am doing 50 pushups in a minute (10 of those being "real"... the rest on my knees)... I'm also having no problems lifting upperbody but definitely had to back-off on lunges and squats and anything else that feels like it might be pulling on my stitches.

I stayed active throughout my pregnancy... I ran a 5K at 10 minute mile pace at 23/24 weeks and was able to do a few pullups the whole time... so getting chided by my medical staff about losing weight when i was the only hugely pregnant woman I ever saw working out as hard as I did really stuck in my craw.  One of the best things I did was invest in a private swim coach for a couple of sessions on improving my stroke efficiency.  I had been frustrated in the past that no matter how much training I did in the pool, I couldn't seem to get as fast as I thought my fitness merited... then I got some coaching and learned that my stroke was completely back-asswards!  With the help of my coach and watching the "Total Immersion" training video and applying those exercises, I can now say that I have a competent swimming style.  I was still swimming the week Clio was born and all my time in the water saved my aching joints and my sanity!  I think I was swimming my mile at 40 weeks pregnant about as fast as I did before I got my lessons... I just had to give up the flip turn late in the game.  I did one the Monday before Clio was born and I have to say that I'm not sure if my Lats had ever worked that hard flipping my 200 lb + completely round body around.

OK - so maybe I ate a few too many cupcakes and a little too much ice cream over the past couple of months... but it wasn't because I didn't know better... it was because my back hurt, I was bored because of my immobility, and I just was not into weight loss mode... I tried calorie counting a few times... but having that much self discipline and still seeing the number on the scale increase just was too demotivational to give a rat's ass about what I weighed.  I don't see how a damn nutritionist would have changed that... but I think one of the things I'm going to work on in the future is having enough self confidence to accept people's criticism without letting it affect my feelings so much. 

I think the reason the criticism about my weight frustrated me so much is that I have weighed more than the medical or BMI "experts" have had as their "ideal" for as long as I can remember.  I had this palsied jerk of a doctor at Dover tell me that I needed to lose weight badly at 156 lbs (clothes on...) because fitness was important in the Air Force (let's not mention that I scored a 96% on my fitness test the day before and had placed pretty well in a "Crossfit" sectional competition qualifying for the regional championships at that weight, easily stringing together 25 or so pullups at a time) and that a person my height should weigh a maximum of 135 lbs... How did this person pass medical school... ?  I admit that 156 is about 10-15 lbs heavier than what i would consider a "fighting weight" for me and that I had been indulging in too much beer and cheese since meeting my Wisconsinite husband... but here are two pictures of myself at 140 lbs-ish -

Anybody who would tell the girl in these pictures that she is "overweight" because she is not under 135 lbs is an idiot... but because of BMI charts and people like that doctor with their ridiculous opinions stated as fact about what people should weigh... I had some pretty awful body image issues even back when these pictures were taken.  I constantly hated myself for not weighing 120-130 lbs and looking back today I can't believe how miserable I could feel looking as good as I obviously did at that time.  I practically had anxiety attacks every time I had to step on a scale!  Ridiculous... but that's not going to happen anymore.  I think the main reason I am writing this blogpost is to be upfront and out of the closet as far as what I weigh because I have always had such an unhealthy shame about it.  I remember in 5th grade, I was about 5 feet tall and weighed 105 lbs and my dad and uncle got on to me and I think my dad said something like "I weighed 105 lbs when I was a freshman in high school"!  Not that my dad and uncle are hateful or mean people... but I remember that moment to this day and having tears running down my face running into another room and doing a zillion situps.  Who cared if I could run faster or jump higher than anyone else in my class?  Not cool!  I have never been comfortable letting other people know how much I weigh since then... but that's changing today... I guess all the "Biggest Loser" reruns I'm watching while Clio nurses is getting to me.

Me getting ready to gag on Inka Kola... incidently, I weighed around 150 lbs in this picture... Haha... truth... so liberating.

So... here is the number I saw on the scale this morning... 178.6 lbs.  My goal is to weigh 140 lbs.  I have to go back to work in 8 weeks... I would like to have a good dent in those 38.6 lbs the next time I have to put on business clothes...  I also have an Air Force PT test coming up... my waist needs to be under 31" for that and I also need to run my 1.5 mile in under 10:50... I think those are also good goals.  Other athletic goals are to run a half marathon in under 2 hours this year and find a way to start climbing again so I can enjoy some of the good areas within driving distance.  I'm sure my goals will evolve as I progress.  I need to remember that watching my diet is probably more important in weight loss than exercise and be on a journey to enjoy food without overindulging.

Most importantly, though, I want to be comfortable in my skin and be a good role model for my little girl and other little girls (or little boys or big girls and boys) who shouldn't have to grow up with weight and body-image issues, be a confident person going into my new jobs (will have to blog about those later - but life on the career front is super exciting right now!), and enjoy every minute vs. waiting for some milestone before I feel like I can allow myself to be happy.



A Bump in the Road

I would apologize that it's been 5 1/2 weeks since my last blog post and for being the most unreliable blogger of all time, but based on the enormous amount of comments on my last post I don't think anyone noticed.  Life has been hectic as usual, but I think I might just be able to sneak in a post before we ride our bikes down to the riverfront to watch the 4th of July fireworks (at least that's the plan).  Adam and I did some grocery shopping, went to the gym and lifted hard enough to generate some serious lactic acid, did some housework, and I just finished giving Ruffian a much-needed bath at the Muddy Mutt ,   so here I am with a keyboard at my fingers and a little time to spare.

Well, after FatMaryFastMary's first painfully slow bike race and wonderful Memorial Day weekend, she enjoyed a visit from her beloved supermommy in from Peru for the summer.  Mom bought a fancy new diesel truck in South Carolina and road tripped up to Arlington to see me before embarking upon a cross-country road trip to New Mexico with her friend, Linda.  Mary commissioned Supermommy and Barbara (the supermommy truck) to chauffer her to her next attempt at bike racing up near State College, PA.  The race was a 50 mile mountain bike race, aptly christened the Stoopid 50.  The event showed some promise as the organizers had a keg tapped for pre-race carbo loading.  It was definitely a different sort of scene than the way-too-serious spandex crowd you see at some races, but the course was no joke.

I rather enjoyed the first 15 miles or so before the first aid station.  The weather was pleasant, the trail was a little too rocky with a bit more "hike-a-bike" than an ideal race, especially one as long as 50 miles, but the scenery was lovely.  Unfortunately, my muscles had begun to cramp painfully very shortly into the race.  I have Monday-morning quarterbacked the cause of this ad nauseum, but it really was a freaky thing.  Stupidly undaunted by my pain, I consumed some Ibuprofen, sports drink, and a banana and expected the pain to work itself out considering I felt fine otherwise.  About 15 minutes after leaving the aid station in beautiful sunny weather, the sky let loose.  I was soaked... and so was the trail.  After the downpour, very little of the remainder of the course was ridable.  If I had been fitter, I would have covered more ground before the weather turned and dodged this bullet, but taking it easy was NOT an option on this day.  A 50 mile bike race turned into a potential "25 mile bike race plus running a marathon pushing or carrying a bike" race.  At around mile 27, the cramps were excrutiating and I knew that my race was over.  I passed a course marshall I was hoping would be equipped to pick up stragglers or at least point me to an easy way back to civilization, but all i got was "you need to ride another 8 miles to the next aid station".  "Ride".  Yeah right. 

I hopped back on the bike just in time to hit an unridable section of rocks and dismount and meet up with another friendly female rider.  We "raced" together for about a mile until my cramps became too strong to walk.  I bid her farewell and layed out prostrate until some guys met up with me and one of them gave me some electrolyte pills and encouraged me to join them for awhile.  One of the guys was feeling better than myself and the other guy, so he went ahead, while my new riding partner and I took turns alternating between riding/walking and writhing on the ground in agony.  The worst part of this ride/walk situation was that once i was on the bike I could sort of ride... sort of... the problem was that when i had to get off to walk due to the ridiculous soggy rocky nature of the trail, the motion of re-mounting the bike and having to push off the ground left my leg painfully stuck in the toe down position with no way to maneuver it onto the pedal without manually pulling my toe towards my face.  It was more over than over when i took a faceplant crossing a slick bridge and wished for one of those "Medic-Alert" bracelets because honestly, I couldn't figure out how to get up.  Every muscle I tried to use to push myself up off the ground would cramp into a useless and painful position.  I crawled to the next aid station at about mile 35, met by supermommy, and was never so happy to call it quits at something as I was at that moment.  I wonder if anybody doubted the extent of my agony based on the huge smile I was able to muster at the realization that my suffering was over.  I vowed to do some serious research on electrolytes before starting to train for the 100 miler coming up on Labor Day, which would mark the return of "Fast Mary"

Well... not so "Fast".  After the weird cramping incident, I started to train again and added morning runs with the dog to my repertoire to try and boost my weight loss efforts.  The diet has been a real struggle.  I got into the swing of things with my bike commute and working out at Ft Meade, but then I started a new project closer to home, but just the changes in routine make it difficult to think about nutrition when thinking about so many other things.  Today, July 4, I have done a great job with my food choices, so maybe this will be the first day of a long string that will melt off some of the FatMary flab.  I hope so!  Maybe I will do a little accountability blogging for my own sake in that arena.  I also have sort of given up on FastMary as far as bikes go for awhile... maybe "Buff Mary?"   Adam and I went to Harrisonburg, Va this weekend where I planned to mountain bike like a fiend and really use it as a training opportunity for the 100 miler, but I only made it out on one hour-long ride and it was hot, buggy, and miserable.  Not to mention, there are times these days where my cardio capacity is unexpectedly diminished to that of a 75 year old smoker, especially when it is hot and humid.  You see, the "bump" in the road is actually a "bump" in my tummy.  I may have engaged in slightly more amorous activity than the "cuddling" I admitted to in my last blog about my wonderful Memorial Day weekend and now I have to deal with a very opinionated little micro-person who says that he or she likes it better when mommy climbs or lifts weights than when she goes biking in 90 degree weather and 90% humidity.  sooo... i guess i should rename this blog "FatMaryFatterMary".... but i won't.  My idea is to just climb and lift enough to get my arms and legs cut-up and buff enough to make sure everyone knows I'm pregnant and not just FAT!